Relationships: How to Talk About Money Before It's Too Late

Today, we're diving into a topic that can be as tricky as it is crucial: talking about money in relationships. Whether you're in the talking stages of dating or considering taking the next big step, understanding how to discuss finances with your partner is vital for a healthy and happy relationship.

Did you know that money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce? That's right babe, somewhere between 20-40% of divorces are linked to finances. This statistic highlights how important it is to have open and honest conversations about money before problems arise. Let's get into it!

Spotting Financial Red Flags While Dating

Listen, I've been on the apps, I know it can feel like a mine field of red flags already... but these financial red flags need to be at the top of mind while fishing for your sole-mate (pun-intended):

Secretive behavior: Is your partner unwilling to discuss their financial situation? Settle down CIA.

Reckless spending: Do they frequently splurge on unnecessary items? Come on Rockefeller.

Debt denial: Are they ignoring or downplaying their debts? You can’t ghost your debtors, sweetheart.

Now, I know some people may be private about their finances, and I can understand that. However, building a life with someone can't happen if their finances are feeling like a mystery to you... save that for an Agatha Christie book.

Asking Hard Questions Without Fear

Talking about money can feel like you're getting caught with your pants down, but it doesn't have to be. Here’s how I approach these conversations confidently:

Choose the right time: Find a calm, stress-free moment to talk, definitely don't bring it up at the grocery store or on date night!

Make notes and talking points: Don't let you nerves get the best of you, keep a list of what needs to be discussed.

Be honest and direct: Clearly express your concerns and goals.

Listen actively: Make sure you understand your partner’s perspective. There's no I in team, right?

These steps can help foster an open dialogue about finances, and build trust between you and your sugar butt (or whatever pet name you call each other).

5 Questions to Ask Before Getting Engaged or Living Together

What are your financial goals? Understanding each other's aspirations can help align your financial paths. You going my way, sweetheart?

Do you have any debts?

Knowing about any existing debts allows for better planning. There’s nothing wrong with grinding together. But you better know if you’re jumping onto a sinking ship.

What are your spending habits?

This one is important if you're a frugal freda like me. Being aligned on spending can help you side step areas of potential conflict.

How do you feel about joint accounts? Discussing this can set clear expectations. Are we doing this together, parallel or totally on our own?

What is your credit score?

A credit score gives insight into financial health, responsibility, and future potential. When it comes to credit scores, love, and building assets, unfortunately, what's yours is mine...

The Importance of a Pre-nup

While not the most sexy topic, a prenuptial agreement can actually be a really romantic move. It protects both partners and ensures that financial matters are clear from the start, while you're still both very much in love. Consider it a safety net that can provide peace of mind. It's also a great way to be sure that you understand what you're getting yourself into, and what you can expect of the worst case where to happen.

Setting Financial Boundaries

If you earn significantly more or less than your partner, setting boundaries from the jump is crucial. Here’s how you can do it:

Discuss contributions: Agree on how expenses will be shared. Usually 50/50 doesn't work when one partner is significantly more wealthy and can lead to resentments down the road. Don't be afraid to ask for what works for you as an individual as well as what's best for you as a couple.

Respect autonomy: Ensure both partners have financial independence. You are becoming a team, but maybe only one of you went to school for 6 years, or worked 70 hours a week to get to where you are now.

Set limits: Birthdays, holidays, travel and housing can feel pretty daunting when you and your partner are not financially equal, don’t be afraid to set limits on what is affordable for both partners.

Remember, financial boundaries help maintain balance and respect in the relationship.

What is Financial Abuse?

We can't talk about money and relationships without mentioning this very common and often ignored form of abuse. Financial abuse happens when one partner manipulates the other's access to resources. Stay tuned to the blog for more on this topic. For today though, it's crucial to recognize early signs, such as:

Restricting access: Does your partner control your access to money or accounts?

Sabotaging employment: Are they discouraging you from working or advancing in your career?

Controlling spending: Do they dictate how you can spend your money?

These things can be covert in dating, so don't be afraid to ask questions about the future of your finances when marriage and kids come up, and never give up having your own accounts, savings, or credit cards. (If you think you may be experiencing financial abuse and need some help, I offer free consultations and can help you find resources to navigate).

In Conclusion...

Money talks, and it doesn't have to be a whisper. Get things out in the open early and set the stage for a love story that makes cents. Trust me, your future self will be thanking you!

Don't be a stranger, drop your two cents (or more) in the comments below. We're all about empowering each other to take charge of our financial futures in love and life. Let's get this money, honey!